How to Deal with a Dysfunctional Family History

As we have discussed before, the world’s first family was dysfunctional: Cain killed his brother with a rock! Any sin in a family member affects the other family members. All have sinned, therefore all families are dysfunctional. We must no longer continue to let the label “dysfunctional” serve as an excuse for our behavior.

It has always run counter to my advice for people to continue to talk about, dwell on, or in any way use history to excuse their present behavior. In other words, it is not logical to believe that a person’s having been abused in childhood is why they are continuing to adore the indulgence of food. I do not see the connection; however, I do see the “excuse,” just as I see the excuse of “I am afraid to get thin because men may notice me.” In reality, this is a wanted excuse to justify overeating, for they love the relationship with food more than the relationship with men or God. It is a choice. If you have some special history, genetic makeup, dysfunctional family, or critical event that makes you cling to the refrigerator—I have not seen it, because everyone loses weight on WeighDown when they eat less food.

Saints who refused to dwell in the past and who stayed in the present are the ones who ate less food and lost weight! Almost everyone coming to Weigh Down or Remnant Fellowship had previously been counseled into spending hours resurrecting dysfunctional ancestry. Many wanted to tell me that they had just learned through counseling that a family member had sexually abused them, and they had absolutely no memory or knowledge of it or visualization of it—in fact, let’s tell the truth, if you have absolutely no memory or evidence, it did not happen! My advice would be the same every time, regardless of whether or not this revelation about their past turned out to be true. Look at the Apostle Paul. What a horrible history he could have dwelled on. He put to death innocent people—not only that, God’s innocent children! He imprisoned many. The Apostle Paul never dwelled on all his murders—never talked about them, but just briefly reflected on the past and acknowledged that he had been the “chiefest of sinners.” He did not describe the details or bring up all the emotions from the past. He simply talked about the saving grace and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. He moved the subject “off ” himself and talked about the present or the future—never self-focused stories of the past. Now, if that is how the Apostle Paul took care of a horrible history that could have haunted him, then let us please allow history to rest—especially if God has erased it from your memory banks.

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